The other side: Moe- part twenty eight

“Since you know…”

“Since you told me you going to marry me? Since you got married? Since you tried to cheat on your wife with me? Since you ruined my chance at marriage? Or since you got a divorce?”

“Ah, don’t be like that…”

“Be like what? You screwed me over Moe. And that’s fine, ‘cos thank goodness we didn’t get married. Then you screwed over a young innocent girl. For what Moe?”

“You know nothing about Ameerah!”

“She told me everything. You cheated on her. Then you blamed her for it. Oh, you even hit her when you were angry. But you will never accept that you are wrong. In your mind she caused the divorce.”

“You know nothing…”

“Is that so? What’s your version?”

“Why are you even speaking to my ex wife. Its none of your business.”

“It became my business when my marriage broke because of you! Because of you!”

“That guy was an idiot anyways.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Why you chatting to me?”

“Just to let you know how you ruined a girl… Do you know your ex wife is on anti depressants because you made her feel like a worthless piece of nothing?”

“This was a bad idea…”

“Why are you running away now? Can’t handle the heat Moe? You ruined a girls life! That’s what you did. For fun!”

“Not for fun!”

“Do you know she was pregnant and she miscarried the day you pushed her?”

“You lying!”

“Ask her? She was too afraid to tell you!”

“Bullshit!”

“You have become your father Moe.”

“Shutup! I am not my father! That guy is a rubbish!”

“And you not?”

“No.”

“Okay. Well all the best then. I told you all I needed to.”

“Amina…”

“What?”

“You know I am not this monster you think I am…”

“But you are Moe. I thought you were not. You are a bad person. Did you get high and blame someone else again?”

“That’s mean.”

“Its true though…”

“Ya but…”

“Moe, I said what I had to now I am leaving you in my past. Thats all I can do.”

“Or we could try…”

“You need help.”

And like that our conversation ended.

I had no idea Amina became such a mean person.

Half the stuff she said was lies anyways.

I did not hit Ameerah. Okay, fine, I pushed her against the wall but that’s something else at all.

How can she say I am like my step father?

That man is something else…

So I was annoyed at life and decided to call my mother.

We made small chitchat until she gave it to me again.

“So what are you doing with your life? Huh? Have you decided?”

“I don’t know…”

“Get your act together. That’s all I am saying.”

What does she want me to do.

Like what the hell?

So my marriage did not work now what?

Maybe I should go for Jama’at…

Actually I am in no mood.

I just went to a club in Rivonia to chill and have a good time.

Thankfully, some of my bras from campus were there so we really partied up a storm.

Soon they were drinking beers than an indian aunty spreads a rumor.

It was hectic.

But I restrained myself and opted for a joint instead.

I got so high it was insane.

The thing is, I have nothing to lose.

No one could stop me… I need to have fun.

From then on, I was party at least three nights a week.

And because I had nothing else to do I was perpetually high.

I got worried for a bit but then I knew I was just having some fun.

My parents called to say they were coming to Jo’burg for a weekend and I was really cross because I planned to go to a killer jol.

Also, I made some cool white friends to party with so it was awesome.

Obviously my parents would want to know where I was going and all that jazz.

So they came and I chilled with them for supper in Rosebank but they didn’t want me to go out afterward.

“Where you going?”

“Just to see some friends…”

“But its already 10,” my mother said.

“So what? I won’t be late.”

“Stop being rude!”

“I am not rude! I am going.”

I just left and went to Sandton.

I let go that night, yoh!

I partied it up like a rockstar.

It was hectic!

The next thing I knew, it was 4am.

I was so buggered I could not even drive home.

So I called a cab to take my back to Killarney.

When I got home my mother was waiting up for me.

“Where were you?”

“Out,” I slurred.

“Are you drunk? Huh? Allah!”

“No.”

“Mohammed! What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing…”

“Daddy… Come see Moe. This child! Astaghfirullah.”

“What? Moe what the hell?”

“Leave me alone!”

“Moe! You are drugged! Look at me? Astaghfirullah!”

“You going to rehab! Enough of this! You are on drugs! Stopped this!”

“Leave me alone!”

“Moe! Pack your bags right now! You are going to Durban!”

“No.”

“You are going to rehab! How long are you on drugs? How long? Astaghfirullah!”

The other side: Moe- part twenty seven

Waking up alone os the worst thing ever.

I missed Ameerah. Or the idea of having a wife.

I was contemplating trying again.

Maybe we should make Nikah and try once more.

Or was it over for good?

I tried to contact her and was surprised that she answered my text message.

“Hey Moe… I am doing okay. Trying to keep busy,” she responded.

“Im okay… We sold the house and stuff…”

“Yeah. Don’t tell anyone I texted you. Salaams.”

We chatted for a bit when I realized that I really didn’t love her.

Despite her beauty and charm, I really didn’t love her.

That night out with weed and partying, it made me think.

I wanted my freedom back but I also want to be with someone.

Maybe I should marry someone super chilled so we could party together.

We could even move to Cape Town and have a jol.

But the thought of my wife, whoever she is, partying made me sick.

That chick will have to raise my children yet she spends her time in a club.

I’m really conflicted.

Having a good nice wife versus having a party animal.

Maybe I should get both kinds then Il be fine.

Actually it would be too much of a hassle.

Gosh, I really miss Amina!

She was the right person for me!

Dammit! Why did I mess up?

She is the right amount of good plus she can be glamorous too.

And the funny thing was she was really into me.

The bad part for me is that I knew my buddy Suhail was really into her.

And bros always come first.

I didn’t want to ruin our friendship but it seems that our friendship soured anyways.

You win some, you lose some- they say.

I still feel crap about Suhail.

Like the owe won’t even message me these days.

Well, I didn’t text him too but that’s not how our friendship was.

I began felling really lonely and hanging out with Riza became very boring.

He’s wife is preggers so now he has turned into a fluffy marshmallow.

Like he bailed on my for Baby Indaba! Bloody hell!

Anyways I decided to chat to Saaleha again.

“Hey stranger.”

“Me stranger? Where were you lost?”

“Around…”

“Oh you mean getting divorced?”

“You heard?”

“The word spreads fast. Housewives of Houghton.”

“Lol. You well?”

“Yeah man! Super. I’m getting engaged next week. You must come.”

Oh well.

There’s my chance gone.

She’s getting married but she’s chatting to me so casually. Its insane.

These girls!

I guess I did chat to her while I was married.

But you get my point!

I’m back at my old flat and I am feeling the told me again.

I think I need to go to campus because working is really boring.

Maybe I should try and finish my degree.

But Riza is done campus and Suhail and Luqi don’t speak to me anymore.

It will be such a schlep to hangout with youngsters.

Some of those first and second years at UJ are serious losers.

They go to all their lectures and don’t have anytime to chill.

Also, do I really want to spend my days on the lawn by the Student Centre smoking hookah?

I could go to Wits but… Naah.

I think I’ll just chill and see where business takes me.

My mother suggested I go back to New Castle but that’s not on the agenda.

I will go crazy!

Anyways on Friday night I decided to go out and see if I have any game.

I went to the Zone for dinner and to see if I could still charm girls.

So I polished up and left.

When I got there, I sat like a loser all alone eating steak and scrolling through Facebook.

THE Moe from Uj never sat alone anywhere let alone in Rosebank.

I saw a few guys from campus but they were all with company and stuff.

So at the bottom of the escalator I saw this girl wearing a black mini skirt with leggings and red lipstick.

She was a real killer!

She was standing along in 6 inch heels looking at her phone.

So I decided to go up to her and offer some ‘Moe Charm’.

“You alone on a Friday night…”

“Not really…” Giggles.

“My name is Moe by the way..”

“I’m Nabeelah…”

“So where you from?”

“Mayfair and you?”

“I come from Newcastle but I stay here in Killarney.”

“Oh, I got family staying there… I love Killarney.”

“Its okay… So what do you do? Are you working? Corporate?”

Giggles. Lots of giggles.

“No man… I am still in school.”

“School? First year?”

I was serious.

“No… I’m young. I am only in grade 10.”

WHAT?!

This chick look 30!

“How old are you?”

“16 and you?”

She is a bloody child.

I walked away shaking my head.

I got into my new car feeling a sense of emptiness.

I had a wallet full of cash and a shiny new car and it means nothing.

Why did I think the ‘chase’ is all that glamorous.

Its really foolish and pointless.

Honestly, I felt like I was grabbing at a reflection when I could have the real thing.

I got back home annoyed and disappointed.

Nothing seemed to matter.

I remembered the time I took Amina to Mc’D's on her birthday.

It was super cool.

Why did I mess up? Why?

I decided to text her.

Honestly, I have nothing to lose anymore.

“Salaams… Its Mohammed. Hope you well. I’m sure you heard what happened with me. Been thinking about you. Take care.”

I sent the message and went to get ready for bed.

I heard my phone beep and was shocked to later see that Amina responded.

“Wslms. Sorry to hear about your divorce. I was really shocked. Your mother said it was long time coming. Hope your shop is well. I am okay. You heard my engagement broke?”

My heart flip flopped.

Was I on to something good?

“Jee, I heard. I am really sorry. It was mostly my fault. You deserve much better though.”

“I suppose these things happen…”

“So… What’s new?”

“Since?”

I felt really bad. But at the same time I was optimistic.

Maybe Amina and I are meant to be?

She clearly thinks so if she is still chatting to me!

The other side- Moe: part twenty six

After my mother went all crazy on me, I really just wanted to have an escape.

I am too young for this stress.

Shukr, sorting out my house went okay. My mother sorted out all Ameerah’s things and she put it on the market very quick.

I was a bit annoyed that she didn’t consider what I thought about the whole situation.

“The money will be in your trust, you can buy whatever you want and start a fresh. In the mean time all your stuff will go to the Killarney flat,” my mother said.

Well selling the house was a relieve too. I am too young to be living in a huge house on my own.

And even if I do get married at some point, I will let my wife chose everything.

But, but I am going to enjoy being single for now.

Its so liberating.

Once the house was sold and all the paper work was sorted out I decided to sell me Rover.

It was time I get a cool but ordinary GTI.

Something fast and sleek but not so over the top.

Most of my friends have GTI’s anyways.

Talking about friends, Suhail has been a real idiot.

He doesn’t take my calls or answer my messages. Flip, even Luqi too.

I don’t know whats going on with those guys.

They bloody heard the nonsense I was going through but they didn’t bother.

Oh I am done with them.

Suhail must choke on his miswaak for all I care.

You know, I felt so relieved… All my shit of my life with Ameerah was gone. The house, car.

Its like I am a new person.

The shop is making me bored but I said I will keep it.

I think I need to start mixed marshal arts or something to keep me busy.

On Saturday night, I called my old buddies from soccer to see what they were up to.

I really wanted to go out and have fun.

I was shocked that half of them were married and surprisingly to the bitcharees on campus.

You know the one’s from the farm towns who where scarf.

And those guys were urber cool.

But the other Moe and Yasin said they were going to Greenside for supper and said zi must join them.

Anyways I dress up like my campus days, clean shaven what what… And go to meet them.

So the two of them were chilling with some Roshnee owens at a restaurant.

It was haraam and stuff so we ordered vegetarian and carried on.

The next thing I know the guys all ordered a beer each.

I am not even joking!

Like Ive seen some of the bras drinking but it was usually at hectic parties. Not at a casual night out.

So I opt for a Red Bull instead and just chill.

All those guys dropped out of campus and supposed to be helping out in their fathers shops but that was not the case.

They were chilled guys.

All of them were sorted and didn’t need to work p.

Anyways as we were sitting there and these guys kept drinking.

“You don’t dop?”

“Naah I’m cool…”

They laughed and carried on.

I felt so guilty. We all do wrong but bra, drinking is on another level.

Once we were done there I told myself to leave but I still needed to have fun.

“So we gonner hit the dance floor?”

This night was apparently far from over.

We went from club to club partying.

The guys kept forcing me to try a drink but I knew if I went there, there is no coming back.

Eish… That’s where I stop. Like that is the worst.

So we were all smoking a skyf when Yasin pulled out a joint. By then the guys were pretty messed up.

I told myself to say no but the next thing I was taking a puff and the another.

It was just fun and then the next thing I was chatting to a random girl.

Kasam, I was so shocked that she was a muslim Guji girl.

She looked like white trash and was easy as ever.

“So what do you drive?” She asked me.

I was shocked at first.

I forgot whats it like to be back in the game.

Its easy, these days.

Why do we even settle down?

Anyways it was the wee hours of the morning and we were still going strong when the other Moe passed out.

Flip I freaked out.

He had so much to drink he had to be taken to hospital.

I was the only sober guy and I had to go with the ambulance.

It was freaky stuff.

Like what would I tell his parents?

I was scared as ever because I didn’t know anything.

But they just pumped his stomach and he was fine.

“Bro you scared me,” I said.

“Relax… This shit happens. Are we gonner get another hour of partying?” He asked even though he could barely walk.

This is when I got an eye opener.

Once you in this life you can’t get out. It is impossible.

You got to keep partying every weekend all the time.

From skyfs to weed it becomes worse and worse.

I really thought marriage will fix my nonsense but it really didn’t.

I still got high as a kite and now 40 days of my Sallah won’t get accepted.

Not only that, like do I want to be around chicks that are so cheap they don’t mind losing themselves to a stranger.

I thought I was catching up on missed out fun.

But I stumbled home just before Fajr, with a headache and guilt.

I could barely look at myself in the mirror.

Did I get divorce for this life?

Its really not worth it. Not even one bit.

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The other side: Moe- part twenty five

The reality of being divorced didn’t hit me until I had to make my own breakfast and do my own laundry.

Riza invited me for supper because I guess he felt bad for me.

And his wife was nice enough to make my favourite butter chicken.

We spoke about the divorce but I didn’t tell him about Ameerah’s lawyers letter.

“How you keeping up man?”

“You know… One day at a time…”

“I guess it will get easier…”

“I duno…”

“You don’t want to give it a try with you vrou again?”

“Ay bra… She hates me.”

“But divorce man… Its hectic.”

“We never got along…”

“That’s why I say it is important to marry the right chick…”

“Hmm…”

“You know bra, last year I was having second thoughts for no bloody reason and I contacted a chick from campus just to check if the grass is greener… But yo bro I felt so guilty… And that’s when I realized I married the right one…”

“Its tough out there…”

“Hang in there man…”

I am confused and upset not because I am alone but because I don’t know what my life is.

Like the restaurant is doing so well, it is not a challenge anymore.

I don’t even have to go in these days because my managers got everything under control.

At least I had time to meet my lawyer.

“Boss, she wants your money…”

“I know… How can I stop her?”

“Well you guys are only married Islamically so I think I can get you out of this one… But she also wants her costs to the house…”

“So work it out and give it to her…”

“But once you start giving her money… She will come for everything. If we go to court We can argue that she asked for the divorce… And she will get nothing…”

“I really don’t want to do that. I was married to her… Just give her what’s hers that’s it.”

“If you want to do it the right way brother, you will have to pay her maintenance…”

“How much is that?”

“She is asking for 40K a month…”

“What? No ways!”

I had to get a Moulana involved. Ameerah made everything about money.

I call my mother to tell her the whole situation and the next thing she was in Jo’burg.

I thought she would be on my side, but surprisingly she wanted me to solve the dispute amicably.

“Beta, this girl… You married her… You must sort things out properly…”

My mother called Ameerah’s mother to meet and solve everything out.

But they were insistent to work through their lawyers.

Finally, we got a Moulana to call and we set up a meeting at her parents house in Polokwane.

On the way, my mother really made me feel bad.

“Mohammed, divorce is not something we can take lightly… It is the most hatred thing by Allah… You could have tried and made it work….”

“I know… I was just angry…”

I had a pit in my stomach the entire way.

When we get there, I was so grateful that Ameerah’s father was out of the country on business.

Her uncles met with me and thankfully they were a lot less aggressive.

But then they brought Ameerah in the room to ask what she wanted to do.

I suddenly had a physical pain in my chest and a lump in my throat.

I could not even look at her.

“How are we going to sort out the money?” Ameerah’s uncle asked her.

“I don’t want any of his money…” She said trying to fight back tears.

“Now don’t be stupid now… This chotla ruined your life, he must pay,” her mother intervened.

I figured it was her parents who wanted to milk me dry.

“Okay… Okay… Islamically Mohammed here has to pay maintenance for Ameerah during her Iddat. And whatever is hers in the house must go back to her. So its simple… We will sell the house, pay back your share for the renovations. Before that send a truck to fetch all her things. Even what we bought for her because it was a gift… And every month for the next six months Moe will deposit money in her account.”

Everyone looked shocked.

They thought my mother would put up a fight.

Even I was surprised. She is going to sell my house?

“Oh… And what about the gold?” Her mother asked curiously.

“You people keep it as a gift…”

Ameerah’s mother looked on in disbelief.

“Also… The car Mohammed bought for her… She must keep it.”

Now that annoyed me!

Bloody hell. Whose side was my mother on?

“Divorce is such a bad thing… We shouldn’t make it worse by breaking two families,” my mother continued.

She seemed hell bent to give Ameerah everything.

Then Ameerah spoke…

“Maaf mum…. Aunty Rahima… I really don’t want anything. Nothing will bring back my innocence and fix my heart ache… Contrary to what my family thinks, money is not going to reverse the last year or so. I appreciate your kindness but I really can’t take it… Not after what Moe put me through…”

By then she was crying.

I just stared at a wall in front of me.

Once we finalized the arrangement my mother and I drove back to Jo’burg.

“Moe, I am really disappointed in you. You let me down…”

“But this was not only my fault… You didn’t even like Ameerah.”

“That’s not the point. You made a decision you stick with it and you make it work!”

I just kept silent.

“Your father would have never wanted this life for you… I didn’t want this life for you. You 23 didn’t finish hifz, didn’t finish your degree, divorced…”

I felt like crap!

“You don’t understand,” I tell my mother.

“What you mean I don’t understand. You just want to be cool. Do things as you please. What you going to do? Marry the girl you cheated on Ameerah with huh? Don’t think I don’t hear things… You will do the same to her…”

The other side: Moe- part twenty four

“Moe… I think… I think you just gave me a Talaq..”

“Bloody hell! What is your problem?”

Then Ameerah starts crying and doesn’t stop.

I really just cant deal with this woman anymore.

Now she is saying I divorced her.

I need to get air.

So I go to the garage just to get a smoke or two.

At the Killarney garage I bump into Riza filling up.

Gosh, it is so good to see my bra.

“Hey bro whatsup?”

“Nix… Things are rough at home man. I just needed space.”

“That bad?”

“Ey ya. I lost it now. I just lost it.”

“What’s going on?”

“You know the usual nagging…”

“Bra it will be fine…”

“No it won’t… Flip, I think I gave her a Talaq by mistake!”

“What the…?”

“That’s what the vrou just said now before I left…”

“But what did you say?”

“I duno… Just that if she wants a Talaaq she must take it…”

“Dude, you cannot be serious?!”

“I was angry bra. Kasam that chick takes out the worst in me.”

“Do you want to… Do you want to give her a Talaq though?”

“Are you mad… Everyone will talk bra.”

“Listen… Go speak to a Moulana… I think what you told her counts as a Talaq.”

“Oh goodness! One headache after another.”

“You have to go bro.”

I push Riza and he agrees to go with me to Moulana Ahmed.

As soon as I tell him what happened he tells me that I gave my wife a Talaaqe Baain.

“What must I do Moulana?”

“You will have to make Nikah again and giver her dowry again bhai.”

Great. Just great.

Riza and I leave that Moulana and I am determined to find a Moulana who will say it was not a Talaaq.

As Riza and I drove to Fordsburg, I SMS’ed into Q&A with Mufti Ak on Cii and he even said that it is a Talaq.

What will my family say? I can’t be divorced.

The next day I go Moulana hopping again.

This is after I slept in the lounge and didn’t speak to Ameerah.

Five Moulanas told me it is a divorce. One said it was a revocable one meaning I can take her back.

But then he said if I was “generous” he could say that there was no divorce.

A Moulana was asking me for a bribe in return for a Fatwa!

Hilarious! But in a warped way.

Finally that night I brave Ameerah…

“So, we are divorced… I will leave to go home tomorrow to sit in Iddat,” she said.

“But we can fix this…”

“I don’t think we can Moe. I think it is time I tell my parents.”

“Do you want out?”

“It is not that I want out. I don’t want to be in a marriage with someone who has his one foot out.”

“Wait… Can we agree on what to tell our parents?”

“We can just say we tried but it couldn’t work…”

“Okay…”

Calling my mother was the hardest.

She started crying instantly.

“I thought you phoning to say I am going to be a grandmother…”

“Ma… Just make dua. It didn’t work out.”

At around midnight that night, Ameerah’s parents come huffing and puffing.

Her further threatens to break my bones.

“You ruin our daughter and then you dumb her. You sala! Where did you grow up? With Admans?”

I keep silent.

Ameerah and her mother are crying non stop as they pack her stuff.

Her father is swearing me as he smokes.

I feel really bad… This should have never been happening.

“I am really sorry this didn’t work out…” I tell them as they walk to the car.

“You sorry?! I will show you who is sorry!”

Her father is really angry.

Once they leave the phone calls come thick and fast.

My family thinks Ameerah was just too lazy.

Her friends and family think I cheated on her.

My friends think we are both idiots.

It is all so exhausting.

In fact for the first week I physically ached in heart ache.

It is terrible but I somehow feel relieved.

That is until a lawyers letter gets delivered to me.

Apparently Ameerah wants half of what I own including my trust fund….

The other side- Moe: part twenty three

“You woman! I had enough! Enough! Your nagging does not stop! For heavens sake I had enough.

How is it my problem that you don’t have a life?

I give you everything!

I flippen bought you a new BMW. Is that not enough?

You got a house of your bloody dreams and every week I have to change something.

You are never happy.

You don’t care to look after my house even with two maids.

What do you do the whole day?

You can cook and bake for the world but I must eat at the shop.

I can’t even count on you to have my shoes polish.

My mother makes sure her house is in order.

I don’t even expect that from you. Just to make the damn bed.
Is that too much to ask for

These days you don’t even dress up for me.

Where is the girl I married?

Because you are seriously not that person anymore.

You not that sweet kind person.

Like you just nag the whole day.

I give you my best. I work day and night just to make you happy.

And you complain about the little pleasure I get from soccer and gym.

When will you stop being so immature? Huh?

Every passing girl gets you all teary.

You can’t even say I cheated on you. I just chatted to one girl.

Most guys do much worse.

And you know what?! You should ask yourself why.

You always complain about everything. It will drive a saint to suicide!

From a waiter’s smell, to the traffic and the maids!

Everyday it is a different story.

And you know what, I dread coming home these days.

I must come home to a sad depressed wife that has no reason to be.

Hundreds of girls will die to have your life.

You shop- that’s all you do. I don’t even mind you going and sitting in a salon the whole day.

As long as I can come home to a loving wife.

Ameerah, its mot like anyone forced you in this marriage. You knew what you signed up for and the truth is, you thought it will be your escape.

Or bloody hell a chance to actually live.

But you have no substance. Nothing. And it drives me crazy.

We haven’t even celebrated our one year anniversary and I am already sleeping on the couch.

Im fed up!

Every time we fight you bring up the fact that you want a divorce..

You know what? Maybe you must just take a divorce and go home! Just go home!

I had enough!

Im young. I am not supposed to be dealing with all this crap.

Kasam, I thought I was going to have tons of Halaal fun.

But we sit and scream at each other every other day.

I had enough!

Just go! Just go!”

A note from the author

Dear Diary of a Guji Girl readers.

I know many of you have been frustrated over the last week so as to why I haven’t updated the blog.

And excuses aside, I apologize.

I know it is annoying to keep checking for an update or for anything at all.

Basically over the last week, I was in the process of finalizing the book (details to be out soon) and the way forward for the blog.

The team and I engaged in discussions so as to how the blog will go forward.

I am happy to say we have a plan and the posts will be rolling out soon.

Let me tell you, it is going to be jaw dropping! Moe is going to be knocking on dozens of moulanas doors looking for help. But is it too late?

Also, I apologize for not responding to comments and emails.

Trying to balance third year of my studies amidst covering an election is hectic.

No amount of coffee or Redbull has assisted.

Things are only going to get worse for me as deadlines loom and exams draws closer.

Unlike Amina, I can buy a sick-note and get away with postponing an exam.

I really wish I was Ameerah sometimes- minus the drama- where I can have time at my leisure.

But I am not. Thankfully?

Also, for those who have not signed up yet for our email notification service please subscribe on the side of the blog by entering your email address.

It will save you a lot of energy. Also, you may curse me less :).

So for now, I am going to try and be a good blogger and have your tongues wagging again.

I don’t know about you, but I need some real Guji Drama.

All I get is political drama and the truth is, mother in law sagas beat an Nkandla debacle any day.

Love and kindness

From a sleep deprived journo, a procrastinating student and an erratic blogger

Qaanitah Hunter

Ameerah makes amends

Dear Aminah

I am really sorry for the last email.

I was really angry but I channeled my anger in the wrong way.

I have no right to be angry at you… You did nothing wrong.

In fact, I should be apologizing. I literally ruined your life!

The truth is… My life is a misery.

I don’t know who I am or what I want out of life.

I honestly have it all.

Moe just agreed to buy me a Merc… I mean we are young but we can still afford that.

I just hired a second maid just so that I can have my closet rearranged.

We have a trip booked to Dubai, just because I need to shop.

My baking and cooking used to satisfy me but now it just frustrates me.

And my marriage is on the rocks.

You know why?

I got married for the wrong reasons.

I wanted security. A man who will be able to take care of my every need and want for the rest of my life.

I got that.

But you know what? There is no guarantee that we will have the same money even tomorrow.

I look at Moe as my provider but he can’t be. Anything can happen to him…

Also, it was his looks that really attracted me to him…

Not because I was truly attracted, but because of what other people would say.

I sought validation by marrying Moe and I got it.

I was that girl that got him!

It did wonders for my ego but now I despise that.

I guess that is why I can’t hangout with his friends and family…

It is as if I have no redeeming qualities but the fact that I married Moe.

We also don’t get along like we used to.

Actually I hardly see him between work, gym and soccer.

It really sucks because I have no siblings nor do I have any close friends.

Look how pathetic I am, I am even telling my deepest secrets to a chick I don’t even know.

The advice you gave me really helped me put things in perspective.

Just ignore my other email…

And if I may return the favour, here is a little advice:

Even though we have been groomed to get married to some one that can take care of you, don’t limit it to money. A man should be able to take care of you emotionally and physically.

Also, put your all in your marriage.

Don’t go in with one foot out.

I think that is what I did… I liked to think I had an option of out and unfortunately what happens is that the option will come up even if you don’t want it to.

Try to be a friend to the person you marry.

Moe and I are not friends… He can’t even tell me the emotional things he went through as a child..

And please, whatever you do, don’t make money the only thing you speak to your husband about.

You know, as much as I am angry at Moe, I am angry at myself.

I let this happen to myself and I don’t know why.

Don’t let this happen to you… Because when your marriage fails even before your wedding album is completed, you know its not going to get any brighter….

Sincerely, Ameerah

Ameerah responds…

Dear Aminah

Your email was self righteous and obnoxious.

It reeked of a “better than though” attitude because you believe you are better than me.

You have no idea what I went through in my marriage- for heavens sake, you don’t even know me.

I felt bad for ruining your engagement but please, just get over yourself.

And who are you to tell me I need guidance on my life?

The truth of the matter is that you are paying the price of your own actions.

You the one that is still in love with my husband that is why you not even heart broken that your engagement was broken.

Why are you even suggesting that we are the same?

Moe didn’t cheat on you- he wasn’t married to you!

You just wanted to get your hand on his money.

Listen here sweety, guys see through this.

They know when chicks are marrying them for their money.

And your ex fiancé knew that too.

A gold digger can be smelt a mile away, and trust me- the smell ain’t Channel 5.

So what I am trying to say, is stop trying to ease your conscience and try to preach to me.

You don’t know me and you will never know me.

You think you may knew Moe… But you didn’t.

In simple terms, you should take a life size eraser and erase yourself from mine and my husband’s life.

Sincerely…

Ameerah.

Amina: Special edition

Dear Ameerah

I hope and trust you are well.

Your phone call the other day caught me by surprise.

Firstly because I expected Mohammed to have married someone a lot more respectful.

But be that as it may, you effectively accused me of initiating an extra marital affair with your husband.

There is a long and short to the story.

The short of it is that: your husband did not cheat on you with me.

The long story of it all is this…

The week of your wedding, your husband tried several times to contact me.

He called me and I ignored.

He also left me several messages which made me block his number.

A few days after your marriage, Mohammed tried calling me again.

I ignored.

And then recently he tried again.

I did not entertain his calls because I knew that it is not only Haraam but it is wrong- he is married.

The truth is, I wanted to answer his calls.

I don’t know if you know but your husband promised to marry me.

And the next thing I knew, he was proposed to a pretty little girl from Polokwane.

But I had to come to terms with it. Gosh, I was forced to help with your wedding parcels.

It was hard, but I tried.

I tried my best to put Mohammed behind me. To forget about him and more importantly not to compare every boy that came to see me to him.

Again, it was hard to forget about him.

And then after a fair share of bad samoosa runs, a decent boy from a decent family proposed.

He was good looking and rich.

And I said yes…

I was in the middle of picking out a ring that I liked when his mother called to say the engagement was called off.

Just like that. It was all over.

I was shocked.

She just said that her son changed her mind.

It crushed me.

My self esteem was rock bottom.

I kept questioning myself. I mean, to have two guys change their mind at the eleventh hour doesn’t do well for anyone’s self worth.

I thought it was my looks- I am not as stunning as you are Ameerah. I don’t have colour eyes. I am not even as skinny as you are.

But very soon whispers erupted and I was the talk of the town.

My engagement was broken off because you put it all on Facebook and Twitter that I was a husband stealing loose girl.

Apparently I made your husband cheat on me. I forced him.

In fact, in your own words, I “pretend to be a caring friend but plot how to break a man’s marriage”.

I’m sure by now you know it wasn’t me chatting to your husband.

So now I want to know what prompted you to break my chance of a happy ever after?

Did you get any joy out of it?

Or you could not stand of being miserable alone?

You know what…

Don’t answer that.

I am glad that you did what you did.

I realized the guy I agreed to marry was very similar to your husband.

And your husband is cheating on you less than a year into your marriage…

I know it must be hard for you and your self esteem.

But my advice to you is make Allah your priority.

I am sure your heart is as broken as mine was.

But once you focus on Allah… you will find happiness within yourself.

You would probably roll your eyes but try to seek some sort of assistance.

The only true motivation comes from Islam. I learnt that.

No man can make you happy.

If you are interested you should attend Be a Happy Lady workshops in Erasmia.

Sometimes we need to be reminded about our beautiful religion and how making Shukr and gratitude makes us a better person.

You could delete this message and forget about it.

But I had my heart broken… and going to those workshops helped me.

It happens every month or so and the environment is extremely relaxing.

 

I don’t know who your husband was cheating on you with and why.

But I know you are blaming yourself.

Please don’t.

Allah knows why he puts you through tests as He knows why he put me through what I went through.

I used to hate you every single moment of every single day. I plotted my revenge.

I had a plan to spread a rumor about you all figured out.

But now I simply feel sorry for you.

And I hope you are able to regain your happiness and peace of mind by finding Allah.

I wish for you peace.

And I hope by wishing you peace and contentment… I will find the same.

Your sister in Islam

Amina

FYI: If you would like to join the Be a Happy Lady workshops- there is an upcoming Girls Youth Program.

Speaker: Apa Fatema Loonat
Topic: Modesty 

Day: Friday
Date: 14th March 2o14
Time: 15h30 – 16h30
Venue: 333 cnr of Van den Heever Str & Barbara Coetzer Str, Erasmia

Desserts will be served after إِنْ شـــــــاء اللَّــہ

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Author’s note: What do you make of Aminah’s response?